


this is constant, your longing

by leevee



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: F/M, Happy 7th anniv Lost Time Memory!, POV Second Person, Time Loop, Transparent Answer, they will always be my babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23390431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leevee/pseuds/leevee
Summary: Your cognitive function was the brightest in town. Emphasis on the wordwas. Right now, you are stuck with a string of notes and rhythm, but no sentences could perfectly describe why you put D#m after E.Then again, since when you were able to materialize her in words?
Relationships: Kisaragi Shintaro/Tateyama Ayano
Kudos: 9





	this is constant, your longing

**Author's Note:**

> Kagerou Project owned by Jin/Shizen no Teki-P  
> An alternate universe by leevee  
> The author does not take any financial profit from this story

This is constant, the loath you feel for school.

You found a simple flower arrangement on her desk in one sunny morning, and it choked you ever since. You could never breathe normally again, afterward. The petals fell along with your spirit to listen to the lectures because nobody would turn your exam sheets into paper cranes anymore, nobody would care whether you got a perfect hundred or fifty-six.

And one morning, you found yourself sick with dying leaves and rotten petals haunting the corner of your eyes for hours. You decided not to go to school. Or anywhere, as her voice was as annoying as the cicadas' gossip.

You decided not to go anywhere in autumn, everything was red.

Not in winter, the season for scarfs.

Not in spring, where flowers blossoms as pretty as her smile.

Here, though, inside your bedroom, nothing reminds you of her except for your own mind. And that's alright; human bodies have always confined souls, and you wait patiently until she takes you away from this prison.

* * *

This is constant, the roadblock in your mind.

Your cognitive function was the brightest in town. Emphasis on the word _was._ Right now, you are stuck with a string of notes and rhythm, but no sentences could perfectly describe why you put D#m after E.

Then again, since when you were able to materialize her in words?

You closed the music editor and wrap yourself back into the sheets, where the warmth of your quilt burns you from the inside, just like her scarf in summer.

The twinkle of her eyes never fades, and you look for another scenario to dream.

* * *

This is constant, your inability to finish the song.

You found the perfect phrase when she whispered it in the school's rooftop, an answer as transparent as raindrops. When you woke up, you rename the project title. And yet, you still unable to finish the chorus.

Should you just leave it as an instrumental?

No! That trash would be too incomplete, and you'll never be able to convey anything. No, she deserves the world, she deserves happiness, she deserves encouraging words that you could never deliver before.

A message pops out. The Mekakushi Dan asks you to go out with them. Obligatory, they say. Obligatory, Ene screams as she closes the music editor.

Maybe you'll never deserve any chance to tell her, even when she's already gone.

* * *

This is constant, the two years between the petals on her desk and the red scarf on your neck.

"How much progress did you made this time?"

The Retaining Eyes make their appearance and you remember: this is not the first time you work on the song, you have been trying to finish it for many time loops. That's why you can quickly find the rhythm but not the lyrics. "Oh, I manage to write half of the chorus. Maybe I'll finish it soon."

"Soon is too long, you know?" she says with a frown. "You've been working on it for too long! I always watch over you, I always root for you whenever you open the vocal editor, and yet you never finish it!"

You laugh for the first time in two years. "Sorry, sorry. I'll get it right, I promise. Then you'll come back to me."

She smiles gently, and your heartbeat explodes. How beautiful. That's what she is, ethereal beauty.

"I'll be waiting, then."

* * *

This is constant, your longing.

You close the music editor with a contentedness, bursting like the soda can over your keyboard.

_(and your battle to get her back begins.)_

**Author's Note:**

> Happy March 30th, the day Jin posted Lost Time Memory and we lost our mind! This indicates that I've been a ShinAya trash for 7 years and I'm living for it. This also indicates that I've been loving LTM for 7 years and ... whoa, that's a very long time.
> 
> Years passed, and I still love them so much.
> 
> Thanks Jin, for creating the song that helps me going through rough times. I still love singing it. I wish I can do more for the MV anniv, but I guess this much will do.


End file.
